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Sunday, August 4, 2013

Just Be // A Journey of Self Love






I just wrapped up month 4 of traveling alone. I have visited 3 countries in 2 different climates with 1 overhead suitcase and 0 surfboards. Amazingly, I have had more than enough clothes to wear no matter what temperature and a board to ride whenever I've wanted to surf. Even after ending my career as a Visual Merchandiser before embarking on this journey, I have still managed to creatively source an income without having to return to a 9-5 environment or sacrifice my happiness. Abundance has definitely been a major theme on this trip of mine…but if there's one lesson that has stuck out above all others it is definitely:

❊ ✧ ☽ ✧ S E L F  L O V E ✧ ☾ ✧ ❊

It's an ongoing practice for me, one that's progress fluctuates daily right along with the swell and weather patterns. Some days I feel so much respect for this crazy journey I'm on that I'm compelled to write myself love letters just to fully express how much I honor my own courage. Other days I want to shake myself thinking, what the hell am I doing?! Who do I think I am?!?! Feelings of unworthiness arise, who am I and what am I doing with my life? Fear and self doubt corner me from all angles, how am I going to continue this lifestyle?…At least then I have the love letters to refer back to for some sense of peace!  (Great exercise by the way, I highly recommend it.) 

But it's all part of the adventure right?? The ups and downs of this relationship with myself have been wild, unpredictable, and at times I just have to laugh out loud. The expectations and pressures we put on ourselves to achieve perfection, to constantly create and produce and acquire and gain; when observed with perspective just seem kind of ridiculous. A wise friend once told me in a moment of anxiety, "Lex, stop trying to DO so much. We're not Human Doers, we're Human Beings." It was quite a brilliant piece of advice, and so I did just that. I  allowed myself a little over 2 months in Australia to not work, or blog, or think about who needed me or where I'm going or what I'm doing in the next stage of my life -- to just stop doing and thinking and just be. And when I was finally still, usually in nature, just being…I saw the true beauty of my soul that did not feel a need to ask or answer any of those questions. I felt a deep love, trust and connection to myself that I had never felt before. I stopped identifying with false concepts like job title, abilities and accomplishments, physical appearance, possessions, relationships…I let it all go and took a nice, long look at what lied beneath. Although absolutely terrifying at first, I discovered more about the beauty of who I truly AM in that couple month period than I ever had before in the 27 years prior accumulating terms that described the more superficial aspects of my life. 

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So after about 2.5 months of blissful surf and strenuous soul searching in beautiful Byron Bay, Australia (of which I promise to blog about when the time is right), I decided to go back to Bali and take a two week, self motivated Artist Residency to be Me in full manifestation. To create in a sense that is true to my newfound self. The goal of this trip (of which I am currently on day 2), is to enjoy some serious alone time with the predominant focus in all forms of creative expression; surfing, drawing, painting, writing, and any other outlets that may unexpectedly come my way. So I came back to my favorite bungalow in Bingin Beach, the spot that started it all, the place from which my intuitive voice first emerged and has guided me successfully ever since. 

Its fascinating to me then, and I can't help but laugh, that the first thing I wanted to do when I landed in Denpasar was call all my friends that I know are here at the moment!! On my own self requested, self imposed personal hiatus from the outside world that I've had planned for weeks and have been so looking forward to, why on earth am I wanting to connect with anyone but myself?!  It goes back to the same principles of self love that I learned by being and not doing. Being, to the ego, evokes wanting. Wanting to do something, wanting to be somewhere else, wanting not to be alone but surrounded by people, wanting anything other than to just be! Eckhart Tolle describes it perfectly in his book, A New Earth:

"The ego identifies with having, but its satisfaction in having is a relatively shallow and short-lived one. Concealed within it remains a deep-seated sense of dissatisfaction, of incompleteness, of  "not enough."  "I don't have enough yet," by which the ego really means, "I am not enough yet." … The thought forms of "I want," "I need," "I must have," and of "not enough" pertain not to content but to the structure of the ego. The content is interchangeable. As long as you don't recognize those thought forms within yourself … you will believe in what they say; you will be condemned to seeking and not finding -- because when those thought forms operate, no possession, place, person, or condition will ever satisfy you. No content will satisfy you as long as the egoic structure remains in place. No matter what you have or get, you won't be happy. You will always be looking for something else that promises greater fulfillment, that promises to make your incomplete sense of self complete and fill that sense of lack you feel within." 

The difficultly of being still and the reason we want to do and not be is because of the ego's fear that just being is not good enough. It's also why many of us dependently seek relationships or companions, not always as partners to enjoy life with and compliment us individually, but to "complete" us and fill the void the ego creates by telling us we are not enough on our own. We must  awaken to the ideal that we are not our egos, we are not our thoughts. The light of consciousness is all that is necessary, and WE are the light.




I encourage all you beautiful humans out there to do what you were born to do and just BE! 
Stop wanting, stop trying, stop moving, stop going, stop would-ing and should-ing and could-ing! Stop DOING and love yourself enough to just BE!  Feel the completeness, the wholeness, the oneness that comes from ignoring the ego and living in the light. Whether its through taking a walk in the early morning hours or blowing off a chore to read a chapter from your favorite book, have a cup of tea, jump in the ocean, have a quiet sit, watch the sunset. Stop to smell the roses! It doesn't matter what it is as long as you're not DOING anything! It couldn't be simpler but it won't be easy, I can tell you from experience you will want to run back to productivity faster than you started! But if we can at least attempt this challenge together, collaboratively we will be one step closer towards humanity's transformation of consciousness. We can heal our collective heart and affirm that there is no need to do in order to satisfy ourselves or the masses, just being our true selves is more than enough. And what would be more radical than that?!!

Let me know how it goes! Share your experiences in the comments section, I would love to know if anyone else is participating in the JUST BE challenge.

Sending endless love and light always xxx


***This post is dedicated to Ms. Lauren Lindsey Hill, for whom I have endless gratitude and respect... Without you, Lauren, I never could known this kind of happiness.  You challenge me to deepen my connection and develop and nurture the love that lies within me. Thank you for being such an amazing teacher, friend, and sister. x 


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12 comments:

  1. Lex, thank you for sharing. Your words have been beautifully captured in self expression. Through the rawness and genuineness of your words I have connected to you more then ever. Thank you for the reminder of self love and the inspiration you share with others! <3 Daniela

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    1. Daniela, without you I don't know where I would be. The courage I gained to embark on this journey was hugely motivated by your shared experiences with gypsea life and overcoming societal limitations. I think of you daily and carry you in my heart always. I have chills right now thinking of how much you have inspired this journey I'm on..PLEASE lets meet up somewhere fantastic in this gorgeous world of ours and bask in the beauty that is the FREEDOM of travel ♥ ♥ ♥

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  2. amazing shooting!

    Http://Fashioneiric.blogspot.com

    Coline ♡

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  3. Lex, beautiful soul sister. Thank you for sharing. I feel you and am too constantly on the journey though self love and expression. I full heart-FULL-ly participate on the:: just be :: challenge. my our love and support travel though the cosmic waves at just the perfect moments. Enjoy Bali and all of its bliss xxx

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    1. Thank you beauty! You have been such an integral part of my beautiful experience, as well as a guide through navigating the emotional challenges of traveling alone...thank you for always listening and sharing, I think it is the sense of community and friendship that is essential as humans to working through our self doubt and transforming it into self love. Let's start a movement! #justbe

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  4. It sounds like you had quite the adventure so far! Can't wait to read more about Byron Bay.

    Chase Miller
    The Smell of Summer - A Boutique Surf Lifestyle Blog

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  5. Wonderful Lex, so excellent to read your words and know that you are going there, being who you are and facing your fears, thank you for sharing your heart, and being so very brave. May you continue to prosper and grow in your stillness, creativity, love and life. Love and Aloha

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    1. my beautiful, beautiful soul sister... I wrote this post with you in mind, sending you so much gratitude for the open heart you have shared with me that inspired me to do the same with the world. I have been missing you so much and wish you were romping around Bali with me! Sending you so much love, can't wait to come home and surf, play and ignite our creative fuse!! xxx

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  6. Love this post, thank you! xxxx

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  7. Thank you. All the words that come to my mind as I read this was THANK YOU! I've been through my share of "unhealthy" and it took me so much courage and strength to say out loud "I cant'd do this anymore". Now I look back at those days and cannot believe that I allowed myself to not be alive for one single second. I see girls everywhere complaining about their body image and it just kills me, all I do is whisper "if they knew...". If they knew perfection is not the way to happiness, cause I sure did, neither is constantly comparing yourself to others. We all are our own kind of beautiful and to be a filled with imperfections is what makes us ourselves and the beautiful mess we are. You are such a beautiful soul for sharing this!! All the love and light to you! Xxx, P*

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    1. Paula...

      I cannot tell you how much your response means to me. It is a true moment of courage when you make the DECISION to stop comparing, stop judging, stop listening to that ugly voice inside your head..and JUST BE who you are, who you were when you were brought into the universe. And I really think once you are able to do that, to stop trying to be someone you're not and accept yourself and love yourself, including the "flaws"..its then that you realize your true perfection and begin to radiate the light within each one of us. I honor your bravery and the beauty of your struggle that has made you who you are today. so much love to you, thank you so much for sharing! xxx <3

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  8. Lex!!! I have missed you! I found your blog link on a piece of a paper today. I have been thinking about you. Just be. I am so fucking happy for you! XOXO I have A New Earth book, it's something I really need to read. I just got finished saying tonight "it's never enough" This message couldn't have come at a better time. I miss you!!!

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